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Ramblings from a Rambler

”Stop settling, find wholeness in your solitary life, define the qualities of your ideal mate, and quit searching for him or her. With perseverance and a little luck, you will enter a healthy, mutually-beneficial relationship with your life partner. It will feel too good to be true, but it will be just plain good and true.”

Nomadic – that’s what a friend of mine called this life style that I’ve created. Right now my address is a post office box and my shelter is a cabin that is located on someone else’s land. It works for me.

Another friend commented “I don’t know how you do it, having dogs is EXPENSIVE! This is an expensive hobby!” My comment back was “I don’t know it just works, I don’t require a lot for me and the dogs aren’t a hobby for me, they are my life and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

I don’t have children and I haven’t been on a real date in a long time. I don’t have a lot of responsibility other than to the 20 dogs that make up my little kennel. The having children thing wasn’t really a decision that I got to make – it just never happened and never will – it’s OK, I’ve accepted that I won’t have any children of my own, but it’s really OK. Some people have mentioned that I’m selfish – ya well you celebrate a day solely dedicated to you (Mother’s / Father’s Day) – tell me who’s the selfish one? What day do I get? They don’t have a Twice Divorced, Single, Step-Parent, Crazy Dog Lady, Nomad Day!! Oh wait yes they do! December 15 – My birthday!! And yes I will celebrate every year!!

This life style works for me! It’s not all sunshine and rainbows I’ll tell you that but it’s what you make of it. Right now I am in the process of moving… Moving from storage unit to storage unit, and moving on. The whole process can be a little depressing but at the same time refreshing. Moving is good, change is good (I know I keep saying this and it might be trying to reinforce that feeling to me…) but it can be exhausting. Getting ready for my seasonal change to head to Alaska is a little more complicated this year because of this but it will be just FINE!!

I recently did something that I have never done before. I let someone go I love. This is a first for me. I’m not sure exactly what clicked but I mentally and physically could not put the energy into the relationship any more with out getting something back. I love this person very much, but I love myself more. I still love this person very much. That’s hard for me to admit. I was tired of crying, hoping, waiting and mostly being lied to. Just tired and sad that the situation had gotten to where it was. People will say it doesn’t matter. It matters very much to me, I don’t like quitting or giving up on someone but trying to be a friend to someone is very difficult when they can’t be honest with you. I hate lying more than anything in the world. Trust is something that I take very seriously and a big part of that is honesty.

So many things going on, so much hurts, so much heals, so many changes, so much happy, so much sad! This crazy, unpredictable, world spinning, season changing, and thing we call life and it’s refreshing and depressing all in the same breath! Hug your kids, family, pets – anything that makes you smile and happy because life is SOOOOO short! When you get thrown a curve ball you have to just go with it! Everyone has life goals and dreams, it doesn’t matter when or how you get there but that you get there, and hopefully you’ll find that person that wakes up and smiles at you every morning and thinks you are the moon and stars and sun! And if that doesn’t happen well I hope that you love yourself enough to realize that you are the moon, the stars and the sun!!

Sorry this blog really is rambling and very RANDOM but that’s where I am right now. Just full of very random thoughts and trying to make sense of things that are happening, good or bad it doesn’t matter. Good vs bad is all relative. I'm trying to make good out of the percieved bad or the negative that keeps flowing through my mind. I'm trying to make things happy in my little piece of the world for me and the dogs.

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