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Just little ol' me and 29 crazy mutts....

So for those of you that are new to my blog... I started this about a year ago and I actually have found that this is VERY therapeutic for me! I have been going through a personal life transformation for going on 3 years now and I am just starting to realize a few things about my self and those that are around me! Here goes... major therapy session starting...

1) I am fixable! I am not completely broken and in the words of Pink "I'm just bent! I can learn to love again!" Mainly this means to love myself and to discover who I am and what I truly want out of life! I'm getting there but oh boy do I still have a ways to go!

2) I actually enjoy being single! For really the first long stretch in my life (going on 3 years!) I have virtually been single. Granted there have been a few men that have gotten close - but they are just not it or not yet any way - either he or I still need to work on ourselves... I'm done saving anyone but me!! If you can't do it yourself you need to go find someone else....I will stand next to you while you go through this process and help but I will not attempt to kill your demons. I'm having issues of that myself!

3) I am admitting that I have issues with anxiety and depression. It does not make me a weak person, it doesn't make me a sick person. What it makes me is a normal human being trying to live her life alone in a world that can be cruel and just want to make it the best I can. I'm not on medication because it is not an every day occurrence. It may be a few days but it goes away and doesn't really affect my outside life. This is actually the first time I'm really admitting this except for a few people that are dear to my heart. So be gentle! I really am fine, if its bad I make sure and hook up the dogs and go...that seriously is the best medication out there. OR go for a hike.

4) I miss having a partner. I miss having someone want to know what I did and how my day went. I miss crawling in bed with someone knowing that all they have to do is stroke my hair and I can listen to them breath and know that the world will be OK in the morning. I know that this man is out there for me - I may have already met him I don't know. I have to believe that this guy is just waiting for me to figure my shit out. He's gonna love dogs (or at least love me enough to want to love dogs!) he's going to love adventure, have a fantastic sense of humor and not ever want to be bored in his life. I'm also secretly hoping that he is a mechanic and can fix everything, plus he's going to be a carpenter so that he can build things as well. At least 6'0" tall and have beautiful arms... I have a thing for arms, and blue eyes, I like blue eyes, and smile... oh hell if you could just hook me up with Bradly Cooper or Thor I wouldn't really complain much!!

5) I am pretty sure that I have found my "home"...after moving all the way across North America - I am pretty sure that I belong in Alaska!! Who says you can't decide where you want to live when you are a kid? I have no idea why I have been in love with this state from such a young age but yep I'm pretty sure I love it up here... I will always be a Minnesota girl at heart but Alaska is really my home!! Funny story but almost random person I have met up here is from Minnesota!! The couple that I work for from Minnesota! I bought a recliner off Craigslist... they are from Minnesota...Its super weird...

6) I'm learning how to ask for help. I know that I feel like I am super woman but seriously I can't do everything myself. I really can't. I know that's hard to believe but yep I need help sometime! So if I ever ask you for anything know that it is VERY hard for me to do. I hate doing it and dreading the feeling of over stepping boundary's or someone's generosity. So if I am asking for help know that it is because I can't do it for whatever reason and I'm basically out of options.

7) I love listening to my dogs howl and play. In my living situation right now I can hear them very clearly. I recognize their barks their grunts their play growls and I love it. I love listening to them howl periodically together. It brings me peace in my heart. Now annoying recreational barking is not fun and is irritating...but good with the bad! LOL

8) I am in the process of simplifying my life. It seems the more simple it gets the happier I am. Out goes the clutter and in comes the good karma...I'm not exactly sure how that works but I'm slowly getting to where I have only the things I need. And there is a huge difference between needs and wants that's for sure!

These are just a few things that I am thinking about constantly! I'm trying to improve myself every day. Am I the person that someone wants their kids to look up to? Am I the person that I want my step-daughter, nephew and soon to be niece to look up to? I am constantly trying to life my life in a positive light because well I'm just not a crabby person - it doesn't look good on me. And to be honest its really hard for me to be crabby - I've never been a pessimistic person - my glass is generally half full, but there are days when I just want to shoot the glass with a 12 gauge!! But they pass...

I know that I use social media quite a bit (Facebook and now I'm really liking Instagram!) but the truth is they are my connection to my world! Most of my very dear friends are thousands of miles away! I HATE talking on the phone... Hate it... so this is the best way I know to get to connect with people that I love. See #4 above... I don't have the partner yet! I am doing some amazing things with my life and yet have no one to share them with so you suckers get it!! HAHAHA!! But seriously - sometimes things happen and they are so amazing I cry with happiness because there are a lot of people out there that would KILL to have these experiences and I get to do them! But sharing that experience with someone is just not in the books yet... I'm telling you some lucky man out there is missing out on some serious cool life stuff!

Thank you for sticking in there through this post! It means a lot!! Thank you for following my journey and thank you for supporting my wild and crazy dreams! Work in progress... Life is a work in progress and keep moving forward is all we have to do, even if its only inching along...We will all get there some day!

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